Faith. A revered and despised word/action/belief. . . is my topic today. I will specifically concentrate on religious faith. Obviously there appears at first glance to be a huge difference in faith in a specific person or group of people, v. faith in institutions/society/science/belief systems outside of religion, v faith in the unseen.

I personally have the opinion that Faith in God is beautiful because I cannot explain it. The reason I can believe in God is because I cannot put into words what I feel about God- and I do not know who God is. I know that if I could explain it to another individual, I would cease to believe. Because the concept of God is outside of what I can comprehend- there is comfort in knowing that much of the unseen universe is not understood by so many individuals who live on earth. While humans theorize about what might be out there in the vast space that is the other, not our world, there can be no definite answer because it is beyond our capacity- to reach it- feel it- mark it- with our always want to know/define/answer/make sense of. Thank God there are parts of space we cannot reach because in the unknown is where my idea of God exists.

Readers or nonreaders may say- "Más, that doesn't make sense. You only believe because you and others cannot prove your the idea of God wrong. That doesn't prove you right." Indeed- logic and science ask that a theory be proved wrong, not right, to verify that it be true. And there we are! Faith. XD I can't be proven wrong- because my idea of God can exist within science, or outside of it.

The more peculiar thing to me in examining other people's faith in God is the want from individuals to explain and defend their belief to others, as if to win an argument. And in these moments I believe the individual has lost faith- or at least partly. The individual can explain why they have faith, but that explanation doesn't usually change the other's set of beliefs. I believe faith shouldn't be argued at someone. (At least I have not seen it work very often, and just because someone wins an argument doesn't prove anything. As in logic- the conclusion can be valid, but unsound. In my opinion arguing damages the idea of faith and the essence that many argue God to be.)

Many people argue about who God is as they choose from any number of written book- and the  opinion about which book is most correct. I find it ironic that most people born near a dominant religion cling to what they are most familiar with, but never assume that that is the reason they chose the book or the God they did. (At the same time who am I? I don't use a book to define God- and I do not agree with maybe anyone about who God is. I just have the idea- and a world- and myself.) Because I do not use a book to define God or my faith, people find my belief maybe more absurd than other religions/systems of belief. But I generally keep my beliefs about God to myself- and that is also very different from many sects of different religions where spreading the belief of God is sometimes encouraged or mandatory.

Even as I find the idea of explaining religious/metaphysical faith incredulous/contradictory to the action, I find the struggle to explain those beliefs striking and oh so beautiful. I find that the argument with others is often an argument with the self. Faith in the unseen is irrational on all accounts and we as logical creatures grasp for a way to show others and to show ourselves that we have not lost our minds. When really- we have not- we just cannot prove "beyond a show of a doubt" because we doubt. . . we are Thomas. We are human. I am so in love with the enigma that is the human. We want always to feel right! That our beliefs are the best beliefs! And that is why we have them. And when we are faced with someone telling us we are wrong- anger and other random emotions bursts forth. And then war of some kind begins- inside and outside ourselves. In the name of being correct. In the name of faith- in all of the disparity we have created it to be. I do not love the war that we create, but our inability to truly examine ourselves is amazing.

I believe that we should be open for knowing that everything we believe can't possibly be right. We are never beyond learning. And when individuals grasp so tight to science or to religion there is a part of the self and the world that is ignored.So we have two derivations: one with the conclusion "God Exists" and the other "God Doesn't Exist" - and neither of these can be proven valid and sound. So belief in either is faith. The only lack of faith the the suspension of belief.


That, to me, is beautiful. . . even as it is chaos and nonsense. X)

later,

Más

Deism v. Christianity (an overview)

 As most people reading this blog we know Christianity is a large category that then divides into many small denominations of varying belief.

Disclaimer: There are so many different denominations of Christianity- I am not at all saying that all of them believe in things I mention in the next paragraph. Also- they might have different beliefs about the next paragraph that I may not mention. I do plan to do other blogs on specific denominations in more detail.

As a larger group for the sake of this blog at the request of a dear friend- I will label most of Christianity(which is not every denomination/ exclusively only believing these sets of beliefs but) tends to believe in Miracles as the healing or the intervening of God. The Trinity to many Christians is the Father, Son, and Holy ghost/Divine Creator-Human self- and the Holy Ghost is the part of God that is with the believers- helps communicate God's message to them- an essence if you will. All of these three entities are separate beings who make up the one Almighty God. Many Christians believe there are sets of rules to follow that do not necessarily get you into heaven, but may help- like the ten commandments, baptism, sacraments, and communion. There many or none of these rules in some sects of Christianity.

Deists(there are more than one kind) generally believe in one god, but in no way believe in miracles, or that god intervenes in the world- only that god put the wheels into motion and god exists inside of nature or the natural. God to a deist is not found through epiphany or revelation, but through reason and that is god's greatest gift(in their opinion). No dogma and no mystery, but god created and governs the universe.
Deism came about when religious people were the elite and reason was looked down upon/hoarded by the wealthy. As we know people of power can sometimes misrepresent something like religion- but that doesn't make the religion the reason people suck, right? But, I can get why they'd want something else to believe.

I have doubts about Christianity because I am not sure which branch to follow and other Eastern Religions have similar messages that I like, but even better- there are less Buddhists running to funerals with hate signs or blowing up buildings or shooting innocent people( and the Chinese Government is committing genocide against them right this moment- so if anyone has a reason to do something extreme- surely it would be people who are being wiped off the map- the end of their god(literally Buddha will not be reincarnated into a human if he does not die in Tibet and he is exiled right now ) and people like them- their future-families-livelyhood etc etc.?) I am not Buddhist- just not Christian.

My problem with Deism is an age old logical one. How do you say that god exists to create the world, but now only sits back to watch- what reason would a being do that? My search for God has always held the question or questions like "What kind of being would do, allow, create x, y, z?"  It doesn't make sense why God would not help if it could? But as you can see it's also the question to Christians- if God intervenes sometimes- why doesn't it all the time? I do realize that hypothetically God might need us to learn things on our own. But, there does not appear to be enough reason for me to assume God exists, but that for some reason it has no involvement in what it has created. I guess this might be as arbitrary as thinking it should have involvement, but then there we are I guess.

As you might see- to me God would not be worth worshiping if it was not good. And then, for me personally- there is right outside of religion and wrong besides what a book might say. If someone could some how show me that God did not exist- it would still be wrong to kill another person- or torture a sentient being for no reason.

The other problem it the natural problem?  What is the definition of natural? Is it a tree? Does it matter if the tree has been genetically modified? Does it matter if a person planted it? Are wild and natural the same? If a tree was planted and grew into a sprout all by itself, but was pruned by a gardener- is it now unnatural? Is science unnatural? machines? Stem Cell research? Are humans natural? Homosexuality? Racism?

Just because something is natural does that imply it is the way things should be? Is Medicine natural? are drugs natural? Is the natural x,y, or z the good or the right thing. (In philosophy good and right are not the same things. I don't feel like explaining that here so wiki it if you want to know X)

As you can see from the head ache that I just gave you- Deist imply that natural is the good or the right thing.
Maybe I will not find a religion because I analyze too much? I do realize at some point religion just takes faith. And I guess I forgot how to do that or stopped doing that or maybe never did that and thought I did?

So there you have it- a few big distinctions between Deism and Christianity.

Mas

Faith

In Descartes Meditations he doubts his experience of the world, everything he sees, feels, tastes, smells, everything that is processed by the mind. Some people say (after Kant's Critique of Pure Reason) that this can't be doubted or shouldn't be doubted so that we can live day to day, Pure Reason should explain away doubt. However. . . 

Descartes asks himself and the reader how we ever know the difference between real life and a trick by the devil? Today's version of that statement would be how do we not know we aren't living in the Matrix. The reason I am bringing this up is because people have stopped thinking about the faith we put into everyday, but question faith we put in the metaphysical. Metaphysical is the realm of God and faith outside of the universal set of beliefs that society has stated to be held as true: The sky, the ground, people we talk to, etc. 

This short blog is the start of an exploration in faith. I was sitting at a lovely restaurant with two friends and friend uno was complaining about a friend becoming religious and less open minded to her as a friend. Her friend specifically told her she didn't want to be friends with her anymore and that she was the devil. Friend dos proceeded to tell her that her own view was closed to her friend's perspective, and that we all have faith that is not understood by even ourselves. That is we have no reason to believe our physical world and not our other experiences like god and the metaphysical. A very thin (very convenient) veil of belief holds our world in place.  <3 This specific moment is an exemplary one as to why I am very much in intellectual love with friend dos. He didn't mean to be a dick- or rude- he genuinely meant what he said. 

Thus- questioning reality begins X) maybe a little less intense- questioning what everyone doesn't experience day to day commences. I am taking requests if anyone has them on subjects in religion, spirituality, and the metaphysical. If there are no requests I will proceed with topics I am curious about. X) 

MAS

God.

As a kid I just loved. Loved the people who were near and loved me for me. Whoever I might have been as a tiny body and mind. One of the people who loved me in a "it just matters to be loved this way" was Uncle Wally.

My Uncle Wally is brilliant, hilarious, inspiring, beautiful both physically and mentally, he loves to sing and dance and dress in Drag X) He is an entertainer. Half lion and half man- because he has the most beautiful main of blond hair in the world, and because he is so fierce. Uncle Wally was by far the person I remember as a child who made my existence as connected to him completely plain and understandable. He expected me to be me- and he loved me always. Uncle Wally has always called me his "Angel". ("Come here my little Angel"... every time I saw him)

My Uncle happens to be a homosexual. Not that this fact matters at all except it matters in my idea of acceptance and unconditional love= God. I of course was told silly things about "gay people"- all this did was redefine my idea of god. These people apparently didn't know what they were talking about.

But here is the cool part. Uncle Wally never spoke to me about God. He just showed me God. He told me I was beautiful when I could not see it, he showed me he loved me unconditionally, he taught me how to do nice things for others and for myself, he never told me I wasn't good enough, and in his career he lead by example- he has been successful at everything he ever tried to do. These descriptive words aren't working, so  i will use memories.

One of my earliest and most favorite memories is when I was about five or six. I was sitting watching T.V. in my dress in the living room alone. Uncle Wally busted through the front door and cried "My Angel! My Darling!! I have missed you soooo much!!" He was wearing torn jeans and a flannel plaid button up(stylish of course), he is a gasping must be 6'4 without boots but always in boots so glamorously tall! At that time his hair must have been past his shoulders, blues eyes, and always tan, always fit and trim. Just the most beautiful person you could ever see. He scooped me up- and gave me a giant hug. Being in his arms kept me so far away from the ground- I felt like I was flying. No one else ever made me fell so special.

Once when I was puberty stricken and Oh So socially awkward. Uncle Wally came to visit- he took me on a girl date LOL- that day he taught me how to get free make up and perfume samples from some fancy stores- and he still called me his "Beautiful Angel". We were in the car and I was being shy- because I had learned to not embrace me since the last time he saw me. He asked me if I liked the song "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas. Before I could answer he sang in his very deep voice every word of the song while dancing and making the funniest faces just to make me laugh. xD

Uncle Wally is the strongest person I know. When he was young he fell in love with a man. They were together for quite sometime, but they found out his partner was dying of Aids and that Uncle Wally too tested positive. He lost the love of his life- and has fought for over twenty or even thirty years through surgery and medication. I was told today that he was doing very poorly.The biggest thing I fear for him is his own fear. As people have told me, they told him- he would go to hell because of who he was- who he loved.
I know he will not.

He doesn't know yet what he has given me. He called me his angel, but  he is my "Picture of God". He has given me the freedom to be me- whoever that is. To Him, I am eternally grateful. If you read this- would you mind sending him prayers and/or positive thoughts his way. Thanks.

mas

Who are you? No, Really. . .

So, in the last few forevers of my life- I have contemplated what makes "I". Today I'm touching on the social norms that confine us and I am breaking a few of them myself.

I don't want to limit this only to the feminine readers, but as a person of female anatomy- I can relate to stereotypes that are placed on women. Obviously this topic is huge- but I am hoping to inspire people to look at themselves as individuals- outside of the norms they are supposed to be placed in and welcome you to feel not alone in all of the expectations you do not meet.

When any particular individual looks in the mirror, they see a color, a face, what they are to themselves(who they think other people see), but more even- they may see themselves- not the body- but who they are dispite thier physical limitations. This can be an abrassive topic because many people think/feel we are born into gender. Instead of argueing that we are not- I will just say there is evidence that says thats not true.

People are born of both polarities:- feminine or masculine in matching bodies and in "unmatching" bodies. There are people born with imcomplete sets of both genitalia(DNA)- people who are men by day ladies by night, and the list goes on. There are people who feel they are neither male nor female. Some people say this is an abomination- but I am pretty sure the bible says we are made in God's image- so maybe the bible is wrong. But I don't think it is. (not that particular part anyway X)

Today as you are walking about your day- notice body language. Often growing up women and men learn how a gender is to carry themselves. (Typically) Men will walk with longer strides than women, make eye contact and not smile( will not be the first to look away when seen observing others), shoulders out, elbows out, knees out when sitting, not usually cossing legs or ankles, wrists out, neck out. Women generally keep gaze down or will smile upon someone noticing them observing others, elbows, knees, ankles together, wrists held to body, chin down(not up) to protect vital arteries in the neck.

Some people may read this and think it's crap- but really just observe. If you are a girl make eye contact with someone and try not to smile, sit on a bus and sit with your legs open- with your shoulders out- keep your head up and nonchalantly look at people and don't look away. (if dining don't use a straw)

If your a dude, cross your legs, or ankles, smile at people if you make eye contact, be the first to look away, (drink from a straw), sit with your elbows in, sit with your legs together. Not all people will have the hardest time doing this. I know I do, sitting with my legs open is extremely alien- but I wonder if thats from habit and knowing that others will see me and judge me.

When people break these norms- people start to question your sexuality(or you integrity). My biggest question is why is sexuality such a big thing to everyone? When you look at someone do you see sexuality because you want to know how other people may or may not connect to you? Is it so that you can judge if you can pursue or not pursue? As I have mentioned before- (or wondered)- If you only see a gender when you look at someone- how do you know you actually care about that person as an individual and not as an object to be had or even just admnired. When you see the body as mostly the person- how much are you missing?

Reflection: when we look in the mirror- we see our own face, our own bodies and we know what they "should" look like, because we see images all the time about who we are supposed to look like. Men- broad shoulders, thin waist, muscles, don't cry, don't show emotion, anger if anything, have the answer, lead don't follow/ Women- emphasize those breasts, thin waist, emphasize those hips-but not too much, where's the make up?, do something with the hair- cute if short, pretty if long, don't speak first, don't initiate.
For both- lighter/clear skin is better, thinner is better, tall is better- money is better.

How often do we fake these? How often do we not? It's not bad to be one or the other-but often we are not satisfied with what we see/or how we feel because we want to be something else. I have met some many beautiful people who feel they need to change themselves to be happy- Physically or inwardly they didn't think they were "right" enough to be good enough. many people know their family would have issues with them being different-not the norm. How many individuals are sacrificed in the name of convention?

Challenge to you, do something out of the norm- bask in it.
Happy Thanksgiving.

MAS

If this is Hell. . .

I'm glad I am not anywhere else. I apologize if that sounds blasphemous- I am about to elaborate. XD
Last blog post got me thinking about autonomy. The individual will- both in philosophical readings and in biblical terms. Knowledge of self, separate from others and nature, came from the forbidden fruit. There may be debate on what was gained and what was lost, but knowledge that gave us the ability to see ourselves as separate and the knowledge to be wicked smart came about, no? x)

When the serpent said we'd be like God- was that "the will"? or was that knowledge/ self awareness? Anywho- with all the talk of love and autonomy- I began romancing on how beautiful they are together.
And how without the individual "will" human love would just be very much like that of what we see on the discovery channel- pink bottomed monkeys and zebras getting eaten for dinner. Boring stuff- mostly X) when speaking of love.

What I realized after writing the last blog is. . . It's hard to stay true to that example and even when you want to meet your ideals- they are just that- lofty goals. Realistically they are not always met: and how beautiful is the real world with all of our mistakes? I wonder if the Christian God is real if It just stares in love forever  with our disobedience? What is more heartbreaking and more beautiful that the human will taken over by insanity- a.k.a- Love? xD

I just finished(finally) the Unbearable Lightness of Being. The end was astonishing. Hideous and inspiring. In Milan's description of Tereza's longing for Eden-esq love in Thomas- I realized, to me, his definition is wrong. The reason love between people is so special is that we can fight for one another. While autonomy should be respected- in the real world you are always battling between the self and how you can easily live with/please/yadda yadda someone you love. Because as individuals- two people come together to make a relationship and the separate wills clash. The ability to find a compromise- "the will" used to work together is something other animals don't really have to worry about, and that is beautifully special.

Granted some people don't ever do this, but when you see it, it is almost miraculous. 15 or 20 years together makes my mind seize- WTF!? How was it done?!! I'm not talking about those boring perfect people, or the really miserable ones- I am talking about the ones that argue in front of you and then kiss at a compromise.

I am glad at our mistake, if that's really how things played out. (If God is all knowing, did God know upon creating us that we'd be a stupidly beautiful, disobedient puddle of people?) Because while the idea is always to respect the other individual- there are moments where you are completely consumed- and to not be so is Hell. And there are moments when you consume and to not be felt or to be eluded is Hell. When all you want is that other person- and when you have each other- you clash- and it is Heaven. I love my ideals, and I love my own sin. I love our mistake. And I can only conclude that God does too.

Ending note- If we had not eluded God in disobedience- would it be as beautiful for us to love God? Non-human animals may love God, but aren't we humans just a Love story?  Genesis begins with God becoming a hurt lover and wanting our will to concede to God's own. And when we do we get Heaven- and when we don't we get Hell. A friend tried to explain this to me recently and it sounded hideous- and it just fell into place just now- it's not that God(lover) wants to completely consume- it's the reaching out- it's the compromise that shows real love. It's the giving of the self in the act of love. . . DAMN! that's a cool epiphany to have while writing a blog. X)

Peace,
MAS

Altruism meets Love (part one)

SO through conversation with loved ones recently- I am now blogging about ALTRUISM!!!!! (and the crowd goes wiiiyyyyllllld, ROAAAARRR!!!) XD And how its mysterious and how love and altruism playing out in real life looks strange. X)

Altruism- the act of giving selflessly for others without the benefit to self(not for ulterior motives). Duty is the moral obligation to something because this is right(b/c God says so or the social norm says so) and Loyalty can be distinguished as a separate role in emotions one might feel for government/family/yadda yadda-blah blah.

So enough with definitions! Altruism to me is the highest form of ideals(that despite some objection XD) I believed can be reached- and should be aimed for by the masses. Yes I know this is a big goal- I am not giving you my plan of action in this blog- I am giving you my mind. Suck it up.

People in their relationships whether they be deep or shallow or anywhere between- give and take. The metaphor I envision is each of us is an individual water well. We have reserves- maybe not equal in reserve, but all in the same way we have and when we interact we exchange with others those reserves.

Altruism is my way of life- I think I have posted before it's the reason I live. Many people I know don't even begin to comprehend what I mean when I say this, but I will try to explain in such a way that makes sense. I as a person experience life. As previously explained what we get from this experience is the ego- right? The individual- different from everyone else, the other. And I have questioned the individual outside of the whole- who are we without the others in our lives??? But all I can exclaim is- there is no you- with out "the other". Without other people filling your life- what are you? I can say I wouldn't want to live alone with no other human near me (granted I don't know what I have yet/never have experienced). But to me it is not what others give me that make me feel like serving others matters. It's that other people just matter in themselves. Helping others might have consequences that are good- but I feel if you go into situations pretending to give- only later to take- that's just fucked up. Yes I said it. You don't lend someone money now so that someone is obligated to give to you later. (some people do this- but that's not altruism-and I think it makes for pretty shitty relationships)

This altruism some say makes my life matter or makes me feel good. While these are side effects of consequences, there is a difference between my action- my intention- and the result of those actions.
The best way I can explain this is to give a real life example: (from life this isn't typical- maybe bc altruistic love is hard to come by but I have seen it) And it just felt so right. . . lol

In a romantic relationship two people show altruistic love and respect for one another by respecting what makes the other a happy, healthy, autonomous individual. Despite opposing feelings and examples- in a altruistic loving relationship we could care so much about the other that we could walk away from them- leave them to follow a life that they most want- even if that life is not you. To care so much about someone that you can do that for them. Obviously the other side of this relationship would consist in your whole life not being surrounded by someone else, but obviously deeply enriched by them. And while a big part of your life would be gone and you would be devastated to see them go- you'd be happy for them.

While love like relationships today view one side of this getting the short end of the stick, I truly feel two individuals who can do this for one another fulfill the other in never putting them in a conditional love situation. This is unconditional love. I love you always- no matter where you go- not matter what you do- despite how you are related to me- I love you- in all of you- forever and ever. Amen.

So yeah. I guess after giving the example a lot of people just don't get this. All I can say is my definition comes from youth- watching mistakes of others- and seeing examples that work. But its the way I feel we must love one another. Whether that be in friendships, romantic relationships, or small interactions with others.

I feel a part two coming- between the B12 flush burning my legs and my completely distracting companions- this is probably ADD and not exactly clear. So eat it up XD PART ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIIYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

MASSSSSSS