You will find yourself awake too late, in a hotel room, in the valley: contemplating the calm drivers who take the road with you here as we all travel to schools, meetings, work.
You will read a very old blog post and be extremely impressed by your past self and also amazed at who you are now. Don't lie- the other blog post you wrote about a year ago still brings you embarrassment. Who you have been in life can be cool- and very uncool. Try not to be too hard on you. You try real hard most of the time.
You will be hungry- you won't know what for: Love, food, intimacy, bits of the past, the future that lays before you, heaven that lays within you. . . or all of these things.
You will see cheek bones that remind you of your sunshine and you miss that sunshine. You will hope he comes to himself soon. Until then- prayer is the consolation.
A sweet girl will spill her fear of the her childhood dream after falling into the open ocean and you will assist in her journey of facing her fears for the sake of her future. As she leaves, she kisses you on the cheek- and you yearn for the best friend from 6th grade.
You will know your 6th grade friend and you have not seen each other in years and you are not in 6th grade anymore- and communication is seriously the most difficult part of life. The tower of babble was not just for different tongues- but for different brains- different hearts- and different emotions that are not the same for any two people. You will feel so far from others that understanding anything you hear, read, or even think will often be the things that keep you up at night- writing into space. . .
You will realize that poor figures in life will haunt you if you do not consciously acknowledge your hurt- your actions-your responsibility, and the hurt you caused.
Life will walk away from you if you do not keep moving, keep loving, keep growing, keep writing. Life matters so much more when you share it. Not to fret. Life is asking you to move forward.
And You Will.
<3
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Setting Sail in Life and in Love
This morning I was very excited to get my "Daily Deepak". For a week now I have continued to wake daily and be inspired by a quote from the very wise and famous Deepak Chopra.
This morning I excitedly opened my Chopra and to my dismay this rinky dink quote came out:
" Love doesn't need reason. It speaks from
the irrational wisdom of the heart."
Honestly, my first emotion was anger. And than let down. And I stubbornly closed my app and reasoned with myself that Deepak is just a person and he makes mistakes too. In all of my stubborn pride, I moved throughout my day trying to forget how silly I felt this quote was.
I felt it silly because on the daily and in my past relationships I've felt every excuse love has to offer for the pain that it wields. How can "Love", "Real Love" create such ugly, hideous, and torturous results???
In judgement and in self preservation I began to act in fear. I'd say that my almost two years in LA very much helped build my emotional armor. But I didn't feel very strong. In fact, I felt so hollow. Like I was no longer myself, or anyone resembling who I'd like to be.
While letting the day unfold, I wondered into "The BookStore" in downtown Galveston. For the second time in two days, I moved toward the Spirituality section for "guidance" books. As I asked the store clerk for his opinion, I blatantly ignored his suggestion while coming across Paulo Coehlo's "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". I bought it almost without reading the criticisms or summary. I already new it wasn't an instruction manual and, lets be real, it's Coehlo. In my opinion everything he writes is Gold. I am just so happy to be inspired by his beautiful imagery and soulful thoughts.
While feeling angsty about a hasty decision I had literally just made, I began to read, and specifically this page made me weep:
"To thine own self be true." But saying all this, I hope to inspire others with all this love the universe has tossed at me. When everyone else is gone and you're alone with your thoughts, shouldn't you feel accomplished, pleased, and relieved at the success you've made in your own opinion. I look forward to living with less worry and less concern for what the world says about who I am, what I think, or how I feel. I am so in love with today and relieved I feel the way I do. I am ready to let my physical and metaphorical ship sail and I am oh so excited to explore the rest of my life.
Peace and Love
Mas
This morning I excitedly opened my Chopra and to my dismay this rinky dink quote came out:
" Love doesn't need reason. It speaks from
the irrational wisdom of the heart."
Honestly, my first emotion was anger. And than let down. And I stubbornly closed my app and reasoned with myself that Deepak is just a person and he makes mistakes too. In all of my stubborn pride, I moved throughout my day trying to forget how silly I felt this quote was.
I felt it silly because on the daily and in my past relationships I've felt every excuse love has to offer for the pain that it wields. How can "Love", "Real Love" create such ugly, hideous, and torturous results???
In judgement and in self preservation I began to act in fear. I'd say that my almost two years in LA very much helped build my emotional armor. But I didn't feel very strong. In fact, I felt so hollow. Like I was no longer myself, or anyone resembling who I'd like to be.
While letting the day unfold, I wondered into "The BookStore" in downtown Galveston. For the second time in two days, I moved toward the Spirituality section for "guidance" books. As I asked the store clerk for his opinion, I blatantly ignored his suggestion while coming across Paulo Coehlo's "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". I bought it almost without reading the criticisms or summary. I already new it wasn't an instruction manual and, lets be real, it's Coehlo. In my opinion everything he writes is Gold. I am just so happy to be inspired by his beautiful imagery and soulful thoughts.
While feeling angsty about a hasty decision I had literally just made, I began to read, and specifically this page made me weep:
"Remember that human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God. But if we listen to the child who lives in our soul, our eyes will grow bright. If we do not lose contact with that child, we will not lose contact with life."
And then the Deepak quote came back to me
" Love doesn't need reason.
It speaks from the irrational wisdom
of the heart."
So saying all that, I realized it is so easy to live self-consciously, or to live in fear we call precaution. We live is Logic and Reason and others smile and approve as we walk around feeling smug and very adult and honestly, very bored and predictable lives. I am not talking about everyone. I'm mostly talking from my perspective, and I realized somewhere I thought I was doing okay. Doing much better than when I was in California. And honestly I really and truly am, but that still isn't enough. So I undid the mistake I made. I was honest with myself and honest with someone I wanted to be honest with to begin with, but in fear I lied to.
My new resolution is to be completely comfortable with the truth. The truth that my emotions are not always rational. And no one else needs to approve of that. I am all the approval I need. Being honest with myself and the people I love is the only way I want to live. From now on, I am vowing to be honest with myself, without judgement or shame. This last part is the tricky for me. I am a very critical person. And more on myself than with others.
So lastly, I received this email from a nifty travel blog and website:
"To thine own self be true." But saying all this, I hope to inspire others with all this love the universe has tossed at me. When everyone else is gone and you're alone with your thoughts, shouldn't you feel accomplished, pleased, and relieved at the success you've made in your own opinion. I look forward to living with less worry and less concern for what the world says about who I am, what I think, or how I feel. I am so in love with today and relieved I feel the way I do. I am ready to let my physical and metaphorical ship sail and I am oh so excited to explore the rest of my life.
Peace and Love
Mas
Monday, April 29, 2013
Los Angeles, God, and Myself.
This city is nuts. And it is beautiful like no place I have ever been. It's the fact that the beauty I find- I find so unexpectedly.
I think I am getting used to not having friends like Texas. The large population of homeless people is tragic. A large population that seems unhealed, a wound that sits in the sun and in the cold, alone, without family or friends- starved, beaten, and cursed.
Being broke seems silly to complain about when I have food to eat and a place to sleep.
I came to the realization recently that I am capable of being a very ugly person. There is something I found in myself that became irate with the inability to help people when I see there are so many in dire need. Not to mention there is a very large wealth, race, and class disparity in Los Angeles- and the rich are more rich than I have ever seen. So many of the poor here have drug and mental health problems. Many of the homeless were deinstitutionalized from psychiatric hospitals in the 1960's in a reform by the Kennedy Admin.
More info here:
http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2011/12/how-to-bring-sanity-to-our-mental-health-system
My lesson recently is to deal with the inner turmoil myself. I have reached out to a few people and God is giving me tiny shreds of light. I have had enough tiny shreds to spark my soul back to life. It's as if God is saying- "Do it yourself, wimp! " Haha. I knew as I sat in sadness and impotent rage that I would have to get back up on my own. That is why I moved here. I just had no idea what was waiting for me, in this city and inside of myself.
With help from my amigo Jeff, I rediscovered the story of Peter and his denial of Christ three times.
The most beautiful part of the story to me is God's forgiveness. He than asks Peter three times if he loves him, to which Peter says " Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you."
I guess I feel a bit like Peter now. I have been unable to put faith in any entity. Unable to pray.
But as I am getting up- I haven't been able to get up alone. Some people may call this weak, but my explanation is that this world makes no sense without God. I have never been an Atheist. I have been closer to gnostic.
Here's to new beginnings, and forgiveness.
Peace, <3 MAS
I think I am getting used to not having friends like Texas. The large population of homeless people is tragic. A large population that seems unhealed, a wound that sits in the sun and in the cold, alone, without family or friends- starved, beaten, and cursed.
Being broke seems silly to complain about when I have food to eat and a place to sleep.
I came to the realization recently that I am capable of being a very ugly person. There is something I found in myself that became irate with the inability to help people when I see there are so many in dire need. Not to mention there is a very large wealth, race, and class disparity in Los Angeles- and the rich are more rich than I have ever seen. So many of the poor here have drug and mental health problems. Many of the homeless were deinstitutionalized from psychiatric hospitals in the 1960's in a reform by the Kennedy Admin.
More info here:
http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2011/12/how-to-bring-sanity-to-our-mental-health-system
My lesson recently is to deal with the inner turmoil myself. I have reached out to a few people and God is giving me tiny shreds of light. I have had enough tiny shreds to spark my soul back to life. It's as if God is saying- "Do it yourself, wimp! " Haha. I knew as I sat in sadness and impotent rage that I would have to get back up on my own. That is why I moved here. I just had no idea what was waiting for me, in this city and inside of myself.
With help from my amigo Jeff, I rediscovered the story of Peter and his denial of Christ three times.
The most beautiful part of the story to me is God's forgiveness. He than asks Peter three times if he loves him, to which Peter says " Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you."
I guess I feel a bit like Peter now. I have been unable to put faith in any entity. Unable to pray.
But as I am getting up- I haven't been able to get up alone. Some people may call this weak, but my explanation is that this world makes no sense without God. I have never been an Atheist. I have been closer to gnostic.
Here's to new beginnings, and forgiveness.
Peace, <3 MAS
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Busy Hands Blessed Hearts
Today I found myself in complete bliss. I have often found that making furniture, cleaning, painting, and running help me zen out, but while I was cleaning pair after pair of nasty old shoes, I was completely taken in by my work. For a small catch up into my personal life, I just moved to Los Angeles, CA, and am now working for a very cool nonprofit that happens to also be founded in the Catholic faith. I will not dissect the relationship between God commanding us to do good, and us doing something in the name of God for x, y, or z- because I am completely infatuated with all of the lovely people I work with(they are all very lovely Catholic people- and this is more with the Zen of existence right now).
I have always found myself very taken with Catholicism and with the difference between the Catholic bible and the New King James Version. For instance, there is a story I heard this week about a woman name Veronica who wipes Jesus's face as he is carrying his cross. She happens to be a holy woman( nifty little detail). I also think many Catholics believe this clothe still exists somewhere with Jesus's image still intact.
Many people have asked me recently, " How do you sort dirty clothes all day??! I would be so bored!" I respond, "I love my job XD!!" Truth be told, all of the clothes aren't dirty. Some are brand new. And honestly sometimes people donate their bags of garbage. I cut open three bags of trash this week. Obviously very rude or a gross mistake. I have done tons of customer service jobs since I was 14 years old. The best part of my job is that I don't have to deal with people who are angry about tacos, or ridiculous miniscule details concerning food, or coffee, or coworkers who don't do their jobs, or angry crazy power tripping bosses, or boredom.
I work with a great cast and crew. We all do our jobs and are grateful for the work, and the living we make helping the homeless of LA and the not so middle class families that shop there. I love the methodical categorization and I love examining clothes. From the fabric they are made of to the way they are sewn, to the size and shape and small details. I love to imagine the lives of the people who wore them before they were donated to us, or the personalities that made each article come to life. I often wonder if someone died in that pair of pants or packed them hoping to go on a trip and some how the bag got lost and eventually sent to us. I wonder if someone was conceived or or born in some of our clothes. I think I love doing this because in reality these things must be the case.
I know some readers will be very grossed out, but maybe I should be a nurse one day because the body doesn't really gross me out too often. I wear gloves and my hands are often dry from washing. To me there is so much beauty that we over look day to day. From the lack of gratitude we find in living and working, to the details that are precious to me. The unraveling hem of a skirt, the one baby shoe that lost its match, the discarded coat that still has much life in it. The very funny thing is- normally I almost despise these material things. I could never again work in a clothing store like Wall-Mart or Dilliards. The thing that makes these clothes precious is that they already have stories. I meditated all day on why my work- the work that is quite similar to so many other jobs I have had- makes me feel elated now while often in the past I was miserable.
I realized knowing the organization exists for the good of the community gave my brain free range to think directly about how my service was helping others. I did this so much so that the future of the clothes began to fade into stories that the clothes had already had. I feel extremely connected to other people as I touch all of the articles of clothing and in that sense I feel connected to God. I am extremely grateful for my job and all that is has and will continue to bring me. I am still in the process of Peace Corps Application- and this job could not be a better sense knowing and feeling I am exactly where I belong.
Peace and Love,
Mas
I have always found myself very taken with Catholicism and with the difference between the Catholic bible and the New King James Version. For instance, there is a story I heard this week about a woman name Veronica who wipes Jesus's face as he is carrying his cross. She happens to be a holy woman( nifty little detail). I also think many Catholics believe this clothe still exists somewhere with Jesus's image still intact.
Many people have asked me recently, " How do you sort dirty clothes all day??! I would be so bored!" I respond, "I love my job XD!!" Truth be told, all of the clothes aren't dirty. Some are brand new. And honestly sometimes people donate their bags of garbage. I cut open three bags of trash this week. Obviously very rude or a gross mistake. I have done tons of customer service jobs since I was 14 years old. The best part of my job is that I don't have to deal with people who are angry about tacos, or ridiculous miniscule details concerning food, or coffee, or coworkers who don't do their jobs, or angry crazy power tripping bosses, or boredom.
I work with a great cast and crew. We all do our jobs and are grateful for the work, and the living we make helping the homeless of LA and the not so middle class families that shop there. I love the methodical categorization and I love examining clothes. From the fabric they are made of to the way they are sewn, to the size and shape and small details. I love to imagine the lives of the people who wore them before they were donated to us, or the personalities that made each article come to life. I often wonder if someone died in that pair of pants or packed them hoping to go on a trip and some how the bag got lost and eventually sent to us. I wonder if someone was conceived or or born in some of our clothes. I think I love doing this because in reality these things must be the case.
I know some readers will be very grossed out, but maybe I should be a nurse one day because the body doesn't really gross me out too often. I wear gloves and my hands are often dry from washing. To me there is so much beauty that we over look day to day. From the lack of gratitude we find in living and working, to the details that are precious to me. The unraveling hem of a skirt, the one baby shoe that lost its match, the discarded coat that still has much life in it. The very funny thing is- normally I almost despise these material things. I could never again work in a clothing store like Wall-Mart or Dilliards. The thing that makes these clothes precious is that they already have stories. I meditated all day on why my work- the work that is quite similar to so many other jobs I have had- makes me feel elated now while often in the past I was miserable.
I realized knowing the organization exists for the good of the community gave my brain free range to think directly about how my service was helping others. I did this so much so that the future of the clothes began to fade into stories that the clothes had already had. I feel extremely connected to other people as I touch all of the articles of clothing and in that sense I feel connected to God. I am extremely grateful for my job and all that is has and will continue to bring me. I am still in the process of Peace Corps Application- and this job could not be a better sense knowing and feeling I am exactly where I belong.
Peace and Love,
Mas
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Faith. A revered and despised word/action/belief. . . is my topic today. I will specifically concentrate on religious faith. Obviously there appears at first glance to be a huge difference in faith in a specific person or group of people, v. faith in institutions/society/science/belief systems outside of religion, v faith in the unseen.
I personally have the opinion that Faith in God is beautiful because I cannot explain it. The reason I can believe in God is because I cannot put into words what I feel about God- and I do not know who God is. I know that if I could explain it to another individual, I would cease to believe. Because the concept of God is outside of what I can comprehend- there is comfort in knowing that much of the unseen universe is not understood by so many individuals who live on earth. While humans theorize about what might be out there in the vast space that is the other, not our world, there can be no definite answer because it is beyond our capacity- to reach it- feel it- mark it- with our always want to know/define/answer/make sense of. Thank God there are parts of space we cannot reach because in the unknown is where my idea of God exists.
Readers or nonreaders may say- "Más, that doesn't make sense. You only believe because you and others cannot prove your the idea of God wrong. That doesn't prove you right." Indeed- logic and science ask that a theory be proved wrong, not right, to verify that it be true. And there we are! Faith. XD I can't be proven wrong- because my idea of God can exist within science, or outside of it.
The more peculiar thing to me in examining other people's faith in God is the want from individuals to explain and defend their belief to others, as if to win an argument. And in these moments I believe the individual has lost faith- or at least partly. The individual can explain why they have faith, but that explanation doesn't usually change the other's set of beliefs. I believe faith shouldn't be argued at someone. (At least I have not seen it work very often, and just because someone wins an argument doesn't prove anything. As in logic- the conclusion can be valid, but unsound. In my opinion arguing damages the idea of faith and the essence that many argue God to be.)
Many people argue about who God is as they choose from any number of written book- and the opinion about which book is most correct. I find it ironic that most people born near a dominant religion cling to what they are most familiar with, but never assume that that is the reason they chose the book or the God they did. (At the same time who am I? I don't use a book to define God- and I do not agree with maybe anyone about who God is. I just have the idea- and a world- and myself.) Because I do not use a book to define God or my faith, people find my belief maybe more absurd than other religions/systems of belief. But I generally keep my beliefs about God to myself- and that is also very different from many sects of different religions where spreading the belief of God is sometimes encouraged or mandatory.
Even as I find the idea of explaining religious/metaphysical faith incredulous/contradictory to the action, I find the struggle to explain those beliefs striking and oh so beautiful. I find that the argument with others is often an argument with the self. Faith in the unseen is irrational on all accounts and we as logical creatures grasp for a way to show others and to show ourselves that we have not lost our minds. When really- we have not- we just cannot prove "beyond a show of a doubt" because we doubt. . . we are Thomas. We are human. I am so in love with the enigma that is the human. We want always to feel right! That our beliefs are the best beliefs! And that is why we have them. And when we are faced with someone telling us we are wrong- anger and other random emotions bursts forth. And then war of some kind begins- inside and outside ourselves. In the name of being correct. In the name of faith- in all of the disparity we have created it to be. I do not love the war that we create, but our inability to truly examine ourselves is amazing.
I believe that we should be open for knowing that everything we believe can't possibly be right. We are never beyond learning. And when individuals grasp so tight to science or to religion there is a part of the self and the world that is ignored.So we have two derivations: one with the conclusion "God Exists" and the other "God Doesn't Exist" - and neither of these can be proven valid and sound. So belief in either is faith. The only lack of faith the the suspension of belief.
That, to me, is beautiful. . . even as it is chaos and nonsense. X)
later,
Más
I personally have the opinion that Faith in God is beautiful because I cannot explain it. The reason I can believe in God is because I cannot put into words what I feel about God- and I do not know who God is. I know that if I could explain it to another individual, I would cease to believe. Because the concept of God is outside of what I can comprehend- there is comfort in knowing that much of the unseen universe is not understood by so many individuals who live on earth. While humans theorize about what might be out there in the vast space that is the other, not our world, there can be no definite answer because it is beyond our capacity- to reach it- feel it- mark it- with our always want to know/define/answer/make sense of. Thank God there are parts of space we cannot reach because in the unknown is where my idea of God exists.
Readers or nonreaders may say- "Más, that doesn't make sense. You only believe because you and others cannot prove your the idea of God wrong. That doesn't prove you right." Indeed- logic and science ask that a theory be proved wrong, not right, to verify that it be true. And there we are! Faith. XD I can't be proven wrong- because my idea of God can exist within science, or outside of it.
The more peculiar thing to me in examining other people's faith in God is the want from individuals to explain and defend their belief to others, as if to win an argument. And in these moments I believe the individual has lost faith- or at least partly. The individual can explain why they have faith, but that explanation doesn't usually change the other's set of beliefs. I believe faith shouldn't be argued at someone. (At least I have not seen it work very often, and just because someone wins an argument doesn't prove anything. As in logic- the conclusion can be valid, but unsound. In my opinion arguing damages the idea of faith and the essence that many argue God to be.)
Many people argue about who God is as they choose from any number of written book- and the opinion about which book is most correct. I find it ironic that most people born near a dominant religion cling to what they are most familiar with, but never assume that that is the reason they chose the book or the God they did. (At the same time who am I? I don't use a book to define God- and I do not agree with maybe anyone about who God is. I just have the idea- and a world- and myself.) Because I do not use a book to define God or my faith, people find my belief maybe more absurd than other religions/systems of belief. But I generally keep my beliefs about God to myself- and that is also very different from many sects of different religions where spreading the belief of God is sometimes encouraged or mandatory.
Even as I find the idea of explaining religious/metaphysical faith incredulous/contradictory to the action, I find the struggle to explain those beliefs striking and oh so beautiful. I find that the argument with others is often an argument with the self. Faith in the unseen is irrational on all accounts and we as logical creatures grasp for a way to show others and to show ourselves that we have not lost our minds. When really- we have not- we just cannot prove "beyond a show of a doubt" because we doubt. . . we are Thomas. We are human. I am so in love with the enigma that is the human. We want always to feel right! That our beliefs are the best beliefs! And that is why we have them. And when we are faced with someone telling us we are wrong- anger and other random emotions bursts forth. And then war of some kind begins- inside and outside ourselves. In the name of being correct. In the name of faith- in all of the disparity we have created it to be. I do not love the war that we create, but our inability to truly examine ourselves is amazing.
I believe that we should be open for knowing that everything we believe can't possibly be right. We are never beyond learning. And when individuals grasp so tight to science or to religion there is a part of the self and the world that is ignored.So we have two derivations: one with the conclusion "God Exists" and the other "God Doesn't Exist" - and neither of these can be proven valid and sound. So belief in either is faith. The only lack of faith the the suspension of belief.
That, to me, is beautiful. . . even as it is chaos and nonsense. X)
later,
Más
Friday, February 24, 2012
Deism v. Christianity (an overview)
As most people reading this blog we know Christianity is a large category that then divides into many small denominations of varying belief.
Disclaimer: There are so many different denominations of Christianity- I am not at all saying that all of them believe in things I mention in the next paragraph. Also- they might have different beliefs about the next paragraph that I may not mention. I do plan to do other blogs on specific denominations in more detail.As a larger group for the sake of this blog at the request of a dear friend- I will label most of Christianity(which is not every denomination/ exclusively only believing these sets of beliefs but) tends to believe in Miracles as the healing or the intervening of God. The Trinity to many Christians is the Father, Son, and Holy ghost/Divine Creator-Human self- and the Holy Ghost is the part of God that is with the believers- helps communicate God's message to them- an essence if you will. All of these three entities are separate beings who make up the one Almighty God. Many Christians believe there are sets of rules to follow that do not necessarily get you into heaven, but may help- like the ten commandments, baptism, sacraments, and communion. There many or none of these rules in some sects of Christianity.
Deists(there are more than one kind) generally believe in one god, but in no way believe in miracles, or that god intervenes in the world- only that god put the wheels into motion and god exists inside of nature or the natural. God to a deist is not found through epiphany or revelation, but through reason and that is god's greatest gift(in their opinion). No dogma and no mystery, but god created and governs the universe.
Deism came about when religious people were the elite and reason was looked down upon/hoarded by the wealthy. As we know people of power can sometimes misrepresent something like religion- but that doesn't make the religion the reason people suck, right? But, I can get why they'd want something else to believe.
I have doubts about Christianity because I am not sure which branch to follow and other Eastern Religions have similar messages that I like, but even better- there are less Buddhists running to funerals with hate signs or blowing up buildings or shooting innocent people( and the Chinese Government is committing genocide against them right this moment- so if anyone has a reason to do something extreme- surely it would be people who are being wiped off the map- the end of their god(literally Buddha will not be reincarnated into a human if he does not die in Tibet and he is exiled right now ) and people like them- their future-families-livelyhood etc etc.?) I am not Buddhist- just not Christian.
My problem with Deism is an age old logical one. How do you say that god exists to create the world, but now only sits back to watch- what reason would a being do that? My search for God has always held the question or questions like "What kind of being would do, allow, create x, y, z?" It doesn't make sense why God would not help if it could? But as you can see it's also the question to Christians- if God intervenes sometimes- why doesn't it all the time? I do realize that hypothetically God might need us to learn things on our own. But, there does not appear to be enough reason for me to assume God exists, but that for some reason it has no involvement in what it has created. I guess this might be as arbitrary as thinking it should have involvement, but then there we are I guess.
As you might see- to me God would not be worth worshiping if it was not good. And then, for me personally- there is right outside of religion and wrong besides what a book might say. If someone could some how show me that God did not exist- it would still be wrong to kill another person- or torture a sentient being for no reason.
The other problem it the natural problem? What is the definition of natural? Is it a tree? Does it matter if the tree has been genetically modified? Does it matter if a person planted it? Are wild and natural the same? If a tree was planted and grew into a sprout all by itself, but was pruned by a gardener- is it now unnatural? Is science unnatural? machines? Stem Cell research? Are humans natural? Homosexuality? Racism?
Just because something is natural does that imply it is the way things should be? Is Medicine natural? are drugs natural? Is the natural x,y, or z the good or the right thing. (In philosophy good and right are not the same things. I don't feel like explaining that here so wiki it if you want to know X)
As you can see from the head ache that I just gave you- Deist imply that natural is the good or the right thing.
Maybe I will not find a religion because I analyze too much? I do realize at some point religion just takes faith. And I guess I forgot how to do that or stopped doing that or maybe never did that and thought I did?
So there you have it- a few big distinctions between Deism and Christianity.
Mas
Friday, February 17, 2012
Faith
In Descartes Meditations he doubts his experience of the world, everything he sees, feels, tastes, smells, everything that is processed by the mind. Some people say (after Kant's Critique of Pure Reason) that this can't be doubted or shouldn't be doubted so that we can live day to day, Pure Reason should explain away doubt. However. . .
Descartes asks himself and the reader how we ever know the difference between real life and a trick by the devil? Today's version of that statement would be how do we not know we aren't living in the Matrix. The reason I am bringing this up is because people have stopped thinking about the faith we put into everyday, but question faith we put in the metaphysical. Metaphysical is the realm of God and faith outside of the universal set of beliefs that society has stated to be held as true: The sky, the ground, people we talk to, etc.
This short blog is the start of an exploration in faith. I was sitting at a lovely restaurant with two friends and friend uno was complaining about a friend becoming religious and less open minded to her as a friend. Her friend specifically told her she didn't want to be friends with her anymore and that she was the devil. Friend dos proceeded to tell her that her own view was closed to her friend's perspective, and that we all have faith that is not understood by even ourselves. That is we have no reason to believe our physical world and not our other experiences like god and the metaphysical. A very thin (very convenient) veil of belief holds our world in place. <3 This specific moment is an exemplary one as to why I am very much in intellectual love with friend dos. He didn't mean to be a dick- or rude- he genuinely meant what he said.
Thus- questioning reality begins X) maybe a little less intense- questioning what everyone doesn't experience day to day commences. I am taking requests if anyone has them on subjects in religion, spirituality, and the metaphysical. If there are no requests I will proceed with topics I am curious about. X)
MAS
Sunday, November 27, 2011
God.
As a kid I just loved. Loved the people who were near and loved me for me. Whoever I might have been as a tiny body and mind. One of the people who loved me in a "it just matters to be loved this way" was Uncle Wally.
My Uncle Wally is brilliant, hilarious, inspiring, beautiful both physically and mentally, he loves to sing and dance and dress in Drag X) He is an entertainer. Half lion and half man- because he has the most beautiful main of blond hair in the world, and because he is so fierce. Uncle Wally was by far the person I remember as a child who made my existence as connected to him completely plain and understandable. He expected me to be me- and he loved me always. Uncle Wally has always called me his "Angel". ("Come here my little Angel"... every time I saw him)
My Uncle happens to be a homosexual. Not that this fact matters at all except it matters in my idea of acceptance and unconditional love= God. I of course was told silly things about "gay people"- all this did was redefine my idea of god. These people apparently didn't know what they were talking about.
But here is the cool part. Uncle Wally never spoke to me about God. He just showed me God. He told me I was beautiful when I could not see it, he showed me he loved me unconditionally, he taught me how to do nice things for others and for myself, he never told me I wasn't good enough, and in his career he lead by example- he has been successful at everything he ever tried to do. These descriptive words aren't working, so i will use memories.
One of my earliest and most favorite memories is when I was about five or six. I was sitting watching T.V. in my dress in the living room alone. Uncle Wally busted through the front door and cried "My Angel! My Darling!! I have missed you soooo much!!" He was wearing torn jeans and a flannel plaid button up(stylish of course), he is a gasping must be 6'4 without boots but always in boots so glamorously tall! At that time his hair must have been past his shoulders, blues eyes, and always tan, always fit and trim. Just the most beautiful person you could ever see. He scooped me up- and gave me a giant hug. Being in his arms kept me so far away from the ground- I felt like I was flying. No one else ever made me fell so special.
Once when I was puberty stricken and Oh So socially awkward. Uncle Wally came to visit- he took me on a girl date LOL- that day he taught me how to get free make up and perfume samples from some fancy stores- and he still called me his "Beautiful Angel". We were in the car and I was being shy- because I had learned to not embrace me since the last time he saw me. He asked me if I liked the song "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas. Before I could answer he sang in his very deep voice every word of the song while dancing and making the funniest faces just to make me laugh. xD
Uncle Wally is the strongest person I know. When he was young he fell in love with a man. They were together for quite sometime, but they found out his partner was dying of Aids and that Uncle Wally too tested positive. He lost the love of his life- and has fought for over twenty or even thirty years through surgery and medication. I was told today that he was doing very poorly.The biggest thing I fear for him is his own fear. As people have told me, they told him- he would go to hell because of who he was- who he loved.
I know he will not.
He doesn't know yet what he has given me. He called me his angel, but he is my "Picture of God". He has given me the freedom to be me- whoever that is. To Him, I am eternally grateful. If you read this- would you mind sending him prayers and/or positive thoughts his way. Thanks.
mas
My Uncle Wally is brilliant, hilarious, inspiring, beautiful both physically and mentally, he loves to sing and dance and dress in Drag X) He is an entertainer. Half lion and half man- because he has the most beautiful main of blond hair in the world, and because he is so fierce. Uncle Wally was by far the person I remember as a child who made my existence as connected to him completely plain and understandable. He expected me to be me- and he loved me always. Uncle Wally has always called me his "Angel". ("Come here my little Angel"... every time I saw him)
My Uncle happens to be a homosexual. Not that this fact matters at all except it matters in my idea of acceptance and unconditional love= God. I of course was told silly things about "gay people"- all this did was redefine my idea of god. These people apparently didn't know what they were talking about.
But here is the cool part. Uncle Wally never spoke to me about God. He just showed me God. He told me I was beautiful when I could not see it, he showed me he loved me unconditionally, he taught me how to do nice things for others and for myself, he never told me I wasn't good enough, and in his career he lead by example- he has been successful at everything he ever tried to do. These descriptive words aren't working, so i will use memories.
One of my earliest and most favorite memories is when I was about five or six. I was sitting watching T.V. in my dress in the living room alone. Uncle Wally busted through the front door and cried "My Angel! My Darling!! I have missed you soooo much!!" He was wearing torn jeans and a flannel plaid button up(stylish of course), he is a gasping must be 6'4 without boots but always in boots so glamorously tall! At that time his hair must have been past his shoulders, blues eyes, and always tan, always fit and trim. Just the most beautiful person you could ever see. He scooped me up- and gave me a giant hug. Being in his arms kept me so far away from the ground- I felt like I was flying. No one else ever made me fell so special.
Once when I was puberty stricken and Oh So socially awkward. Uncle Wally came to visit- he took me on a girl date LOL- that day he taught me how to get free make up and perfume samples from some fancy stores- and he still called me his "Beautiful Angel". We were in the car and I was being shy- because I had learned to not embrace me since the last time he saw me. He asked me if I liked the song "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas. Before I could answer he sang in his very deep voice every word of the song while dancing and making the funniest faces just to make me laugh. xD
Uncle Wally is the strongest person I know. When he was young he fell in love with a man. They were together for quite sometime, but they found out his partner was dying of Aids and that Uncle Wally too tested positive. He lost the love of his life- and has fought for over twenty or even thirty years through surgery and medication. I was told today that he was doing very poorly.The biggest thing I fear for him is his own fear. As people have told me, they told him- he would go to hell because of who he was- who he loved.
I know he will not.
He doesn't know yet what he has given me. He called me his angel, but he is my "Picture of God". He has given me the freedom to be me- whoever that is. To Him, I am eternally grateful. If you read this- would you mind sending him prayers and/or positive thoughts his way. Thanks.
mas
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Who are you? No, Really. . .
So, in the last few forevers of my life- I have contemplated what makes "I". Today I'm touching on the social norms that confine us and I am breaking a few of them myself.
I don't want to limit this only to the feminine readers, but as a person of female anatomy- I can relate to stereotypes that are placed on women. Obviously this topic is huge- but I am hoping to inspire people to look at themselves as individuals- outside of the norms they are supposed to be placed in and welcome you to feel not alone in all of the expectations you do not meet.
When any particular individual looks in the mirror, they see a color, a face, what they are to themselves(who they think other people see), but more even- they may see themselves- not the body- but who they are dispite thier physical limitations. This can be an abrassive topic because many people think/feel we are born into gender. Instead of argueing that we are not- I will just say there is evidence that says thats not true.
People are born of both polarities:- feminine or masculine in matching bodies and in "unmatching" bodies. There are people born with imcomplete sets of both genitalia(DNA)- people who are men by day ladies by night, and the list goes on. There are people who feel they are neither male nor female. Some people say this is an abomination- but I am pretty sure the bible says we are made in God's image- so maybe the bible is wrong. But I don't think it is. (not that particular part anyway X)
Today as you are walking about your day- notice body language. Often growing up women and men learn how a gender is to carry themselves. (Typically) Men will walk with longer strides than women, make eye contact and not smile( will not be the first to look away when seen observing others), shoulders out, elbows out, knees out when sitting, not usually cossing legs or ankles, wrists out, neck out. Women generally keep gaze down or will smile upon someone noticing them observing others, elbows, knees, ankles together, wrists held to body, chin down(not up) to protect vital arteries in the neck.
Some people may read this and think it's crap- but really just observe. If you are a girl make eye contact with someone and try not to smile, sit on a bus and sit with your legs open- with your shoulders out- keep your head up and nonchalantly look at people and don't look away. (if dining don't use a straw)
If your a dude, cross your legs, or ankles, smile at people if you make eye contact, be the first to look away, (drink from a straw), sit with your elbows in, sit with your legs together. Not all people will have the hardest time doing this. I know I do, sitting with my legs open is extremely alien- but I wonder if thats from habit and knowing that others will see me and judge me.
When people break these norms- people start to question your sexuality(or you integrity). My biggest question is why is sexuality such a big thing to everyone? When you look at someone do you see sexuality because you want to know how other people may or may not connect to you? Is it so that you can judge if you can pursue or not pursue? As I have mentioned before- (or wondered)- If you only see a gender when you look at someone- how do you know you actually care about that person as an individual and not as an object to be had or even just admnired. When you see the body as mostly the person- how much are you missing?
Reflection: when we look in the mirror- we see our own face, our own bodies and we know what they "should" look like, because we see images all the time about who we are supposed to look like. Men- broad shoulders, thin waist, muscles, don't cry, don't show emotion, anger if anything, have the answer, lead don't follow/ Women- emphasize those breasts, thin waist, emphasize those hips-but not too much, where's the make up?, do something with the hair- cute if short, pretty if long, don't speak first, don't initiate.
For both- lighter/clear skin is better, thinner is better, tall is better- money is better.
How often do we fake these? How often do we not? It's not bad to be one or the other-but often we are not satisfied with what we see/or how we feel because we want to be something else. I have met some many beautiful people who feel they need to change themselves to be happy- Physically or inwardly they didn't think they were "right" enough to be good enough. many people know their family would have issues with them being different-not the norm. How many individuals are sacrificed in the name of convention?
Challenge to you, do something out of the norm- bask in it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
MAS
I don't want to limit this only to the feminine readers, but as a person of female anatomy- I can relate to stereotypes that are placed on women. Obviously this topic is huge- but I am hoping to inspire people to look at themselves as individuals- outside of the norms they are supposed to be placed in and welcome you to feel not alone in all of the expectations you do not meet.
When any particular individual looks in the mirror, they see a color, a face, what they are to themselves(who they think other people see), but more even- they may see themselves- not the body- but who they are dispite thier physical limitations. This can be an abrassive topic because many people think/feel we are born into gender. Instead of argueing that we are not- I will just say there is evidence that says thats not true.
People are born of both polarities:- feminine or masculine in matching bodies and in "unmatching" bodies. There are people born with imcomplete sets of both genitalia(DNA)- people who are men by day ladies by night, and the list goes on. There are people who feel they are neither male nor female. Some people say this is an abomination- but I am pretty sure the bible says we are made in God's image- so maybe the bible is wrong. But I don't think it is. (not that particular part anyway X)
Today as you are walking about your day- notice body language. Often growing up women and men learn how a gender is to carry themselves. (Typically) Men will walk with longer strides than women, make eye contact and not smile( will not be the first to look away when seen observing others), shoulders out, elbows out, knees out when sitting, not usually cossing legs or ankles, wrists out, neck out. Women generally keep gaze down or will smile upon someone noticing them observing others, elbows, knees, ankles together, wrists held to body, chin down(not up) to protect vital arteries in the neck.
Some people may read this and think it's crap- but really just observe. If you are a girl make eye contact with someone and try not to smile, sit on a bus and sit with your legs open- with your shoulders out- keep your head up and nonchalantly look at people and don't look away. (if dining don't use a straw)
If your a dude, cross your legs, or ankles, smile at people if you make eye contact, be the first to look away, (drink from a straw), sit with your elbows in, sit with your legs together. Not all people will have the hardest time doing this. I know I do, sitting with my legs open is extremely alien- but I wonder if thats from habit and knowing that others will see me and judge me.
When people break these norms- people start to question your sexuality(or you integrity). My biggest question is why is sexuality such a big thing to everyone? When you look at someone do you see sexuality because you want to know how other people may or may not connect to you? Is it so that you can judge if you can pursue or not pursue? As I have mentioned before- (or wondered)- If you only see a gender when you look at someone- how do you know you actually care about that person as an individual and not as an object to be had or even just admnired. When you see the body as mostly the person- how much are you missing?
Reflection: when we look in the mirror- we see our own face, our own bodies and we know what they "should" look like, because we see images all the time about who we are supposed to look like. Men- broad shoulders, thin waist, muscles, don't cry, don't show emotion, anger if anything, have the answer, lead don't follow/ Women- emphasize those breasts, thin waist, emphasize those hips-but not too much, where's the make up?, do something with the hair- cute if short, pretty if long, don't speak first, don't initiate.
For both- lighter/clear skin is better, thinner is better, tall is better- money is better.
How often do we fake these? How often do we not? It's not bad to be one or the other-but often we are not satisfied with what we see/or how we feel because we want to be something else. I have met some many beautiful people who feel they need to change themselves to be happy- Physically or inwardly they didn't think they were "right" enough to be good enough. many people know their family would have issues with them being different-not the norm. How many individuals are sacrificed in the name of convention?
Challenge to you, do something out of the norm- bask in it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
MAS
Monday, November 21, 2011
If this is Hell. . .
I'm glad I am not anywhere else. I apologize if that sounds blasphemous- I am about to elaborate. XD
Last blog post got me thinking about autonomy. The individual will- both in philosophical readings and in biblical terms. Knowledge of self, separate from others and nature, came from the forbidden fruit. There may be debate on what was gained and what was lost, but knowledge that gave us the ability to see ourselves as separate and the knowledge to be wicked smart came about, no? x)
When the serpent said we'd be like God- was that "the will"? or was that knowledge/ self awareness? Anywho- with all the talk of love and autonomy- I began romancing on how beautiful they are together.
And how without the individual "will" human love would just be very much like that of what we see on the discovery channel- pink bottomed monkeys and zebras getting eaten for dinner. Boring stuff- mostly X) when speaking of love.
What I realized after writing the last blog is. . . It's hard to stay true to that example and even when you want to meet your ideals- they are just that- lofty goals. Realistically they are not always met: and how beautiful is the real world with all of our mistakes? I wonder if the Christian God is real if It just stares in love forever with our disobedience? What is more heartbreaking and more beautiful that the human will taken over by insanity- a.k.a- Love? xD
I just finished(finally) the Unbearable Lightness of Being. The end was astonishing. Hideous and inspiring. In Milan's description of Tereza's longing for Eden-esq love in Thomas- I realized, to me, his definition is wrong. The reason love between people is so special is that we can fight for one another. While autonomy should be respected- in the real world you are always battling between the self and how you can easily live with/please/yadda yadda someone you love. Because as individuals- two people come together to make a relationship and the separate wills clash. The ability to find a compromise- "the will" used to work together is something other animals don't really have to worry about, and that is beautifully special.
Granted some people don't ever do this, but when you see it, it is almost miraculous. 15 or 20 years together makes my mind seize- WTF!? How was it done?!! I'm not talking about those boring perfect people, or the really miserable ones- I am talking about the ones that argue in front of you and then kiss at a compromise.
I am glad at our mistake, if that's really how things played out. (If God is all knowing, did God know upon creating us that we'd be a stupidly beautiful, disobedient puddle of people?) Because while the idea is always to respect the other individual- there are moments where you are completely consumed- and to not be so is Hell. And there are moments when you consume and to not be felt or to be eluded is Hell. When all you want is that other person- and when you have each other- you clash- and it is Heaven. I love my ideals, and I love my own sin. I love our mistake. And I can only conclude that God does too.
Ending note- If we had not eluded God in disobedience- would it be as beautiful for us to love God? Non-human animals may love God, but aren't we humans just a Love story? Genesis begins with God becoming a hurt lover and wanting our will to concede to God's own. And when we do we get Heaven- and when we don't we get Hell. A friend tried to explain this to me recently and it sounded hideous- and it just fell into place just now- it's not that God(lover) wants to completely consume- it's the reaching out- it's the compromise that shows real love. It's the giving of the self in the act of love. . . DAMN! that's a cool epiphany to have while writing a blog. X)
Peace,
MAS
Last blog post got me thinking about autonomy. The individual will- both in philosophical readings and in biblical terms. Knowledge of self, separate from others and nature, came from the forbidden fruit. There may be debate on what was gained and what was lost, but knowledge that gave us the ability to see ourselves as separate and the knowledge to be wicked smart came about, no? x)
When the serpent said we'd be like God- was that "the will"? or was that knowledge/ self awareness? Anywho- with all the talk of love and autonomy- I began romancing on how beautiful they are together.
And how without the individual "will" human love would just be very much like that of what we see on the discovery channel- pink bottomed monkeys and zebras getting eaten for dinner. Boring stuff- mostly X) when speaking of love.
What I realized after writing the last blog is. . . It's hard to stay true to that example and even when you want to meet your ideals- they are just that- lofty goals. Realistically they are not always met: and how beautiful is the real world with all of our mistakes? I wonder if the Christian God is real if It just stares in love forever with our disobedience? What is more heartbreaking and more beautiful that the human will taken over by insanity- a.k.a- Love? xD
I just finished(finally) the Unbearable Lightness of Being. The end was astonishing. Hideous and inspiring. In Milan's description of Tereza's longing for Eden-esq love in Thomas- I realized, to me, his definition is wrong. The reason love between people is so special is that we can fight for one another. While autonomy should be respected- in the real world you are always battling between the self and how you can easily live with/please/yadda yadda someone you love. Because as individuals- two people come together to make a relationship and the separate wills clash. The ability to find a compromise- "the will" used to work together is something other animals don't really have to worry about, and that is beautifully special.
Granted some people don't ever do this, but when you see it, it is almost miraculous. 15 or 20 years together makes my mind seize- WTF!? How was it done?!! I'm not talking about those boring perfect people, or the really miserable ones- I am talking about the ones that argue in front of you and then kiss at a compromise.
I am glad at our mistake, if that's really how things played out. (If God is all knowing, did God know upon creating us that we'd be a stupidly beautiful, disobedient puddle of people?) Because while the idea is always to respect the other individual- there are moments where you are completely consumed- and to not be so is Hell. And there are moments when you consume and to not be felt or to be eluded is Hell. When all you want is that other person- and when you have each other- you clash- and it is Heaven. I love my ideals, and I love my own sin. I love our mistake. And I can only conclude that God does too.
Ending note- If we had not eluded God in disobedience- would it be as beautiful for us to love God? Non-human animals may love God, but aren't we humans just a Love story? Genesis begins with God becoming a hurt lover and wanting our will to concede to God's own. And when we do we get Heaven- and when we don't we get Hell. A friend tried to explain this to me recently and it sounded hideous- and it just fell into place just now- it's not that God(lover) wants to completely consume- it's the reaching out- it's the compromise that shows real love. It's the giving of the self in the act of love. . . DAMN! that's a cool epiphany to have while writing a blog. X)
Peace,
MAS
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Altruism meets Love (part one)
SO through conversation with loved ones recently- I am now blogging about ALTRUISM!!!!! (and the crowd goes wiiiyyyyllllld, ROAAAARRR!!!) XD And how its mysterious and how love and altruism playing out in real life looks strange. X)
Altruism- the act of giving selflessly for others without the benefit to self(not for ulterior motives). Duty is the moral obligation to something because this is right(b/c God says so or the social norm says so) and Loyalty can be distinguished as a separate role in emotions one might feel for government/family/yadda yadda-blah blah.
So enough with definitions! Altruism to me is the highest form of ideals(that despite some objection XD) I believed can be reached- and should be aimed for by the masses. Yes I know this is a big goal- I am not giving you my plan of action in this blog- I am giving you my mind. Suck it up.
People in their relationships whether they be deep or shallow or anywhere between- give and take. The metaphor I envision is each of us is an individual water well. We have reserves- maybe not equal in reserve, but all in the same way we have and when we interact we exchange with others those reserves.
Altruism is my way of life- I think I have posted before it's the reason I live. Many people I know don't even begin to comprehend what I mean when I say this, but I will try to explain in such a way that makes sense. I as a person experience life. As previously explained what we get from this experience is the ego- right? The individual- different from everyone else, the other. And I have questioned the individual outside of the whole- who are we without the others in our lives??? But all I can exclaim is- there is no you- with out "the other". Without other people filling your life- what are you? I can say I wouldn't want to live alone with no other human near me (granted I don't know what I have yet/never have experienced). But to me it is not what others give me that make me feel like serving others matters. It's that other people just matter in themselves. Helping others might have consequences that are good- but I feel if you go into situations pretending to give- only later to take- that's just fucked up. Yes I said it. You don't lend someone money now so that someone is obligated to give to you later. (some people do this- but that's not altruism-and I think it makes for pretty shitty relationships)
This altruism some say makes my life matter or makes me feel good. While these are side effects of consequences, there is a difference between my action- my intention- and the result of those actions.
The best way I can explain this is to give a real life example: (from life this isn't typical- maybe bc altruistic love is hard to come by but I have seen it) And it just felt so right. . . lol
In a romantic relationship two people show altruistic love and respect for one another by respecting what makes the other a happy, healthy, autonomous individual. Despite opposing feelings and examples- in a altruistic loving relationship we could care so much about the other that we could walk away from them- leave them to follow a life that they most want- even if that life is not you. To care so much about someone that you can do that for them. Obviously the other side of this relationship would consist in your whole life not being surrounded by someone else, but obviously deeply enriched by them. And while a big part of your life would be gone and you would be devastated to see them go- you'd be happy for them.
While love like relationships today view one side of this getting the short end of the stick, I truly feel two individuals who can do this for one another fulfill the other in never putting them in a conditional love situation. This is unconditional love. I love you always- no matter where you go- not matter what you do- despite how you are related to me- I love you- in all of you- forever and ever. Amen.
So yeah. I guess after giving the example a lot of people just don't get this. All I can say is my definition comes from youth- watching mistakes of others- and seeing examples that work. But its the way I feel we must love one another. Whether that be in friendships, romantic relationships, or small interactions with others.
I feel a part two coming- between the B12 flush burning my legs and my completely distracting companions- this is probably ADD and not exactly clear. So eat it up XD PART ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIIYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
MASSSSSSS
Altruism- the act of giving selflessly for others without the benefit to self(not for ulterior motives). Duty is the moral obligation to something because this is right(b/c God says so or the social norm says so) and Loyalty can be distinguished as a separate role in emotions one might feel for government/family/yadda yadda-blah blah.
So enough with definitions! Altruism to me is the highest form of ideals(that despite some objection XD) I believed can be reached- and should be aimed for by the masses. Yes I know this is a big goal- I am not giving you my plan of action in this blog- I am giving you my mind. Suck it up.
People in their relationships whether they be deep or shallow or anywhere between- give and take. The metaphor I envision is each of us is an individual water well. We have reserves- maybe not equal in reserve, but all in the same way we have and when we interact we exchange with others those reserves.
Altruism is my way of life- I think I have posted before it's the reason I live. Many people I know don't even begin to comprehend what I mean when I say this, but I will try to explain in such a way that makes sense. I as a person experience life. As previously explained what we get from this experience is the ego- right? The individual- different from everyone else, the other. And I have questioned the individual outside of the whole- who are we without the others in our lives??? But all I can exclaim is- there is no you- with out "the other". Without other people filling your life- what are you? I can say I wouldn't want to live alone with no other human near me (granted I don't know what I have yet/never have experienced). But to me it is not what others give me that make me feel like serving others matters. It's that other people just matter in themselves. Helping others might have consequences that are good- but I feel if you go into situations pretending to give- only later to take- that's just fucked up. Yes I said it. You don't lend someone money now so that someone is obligated to give to you later. (some people do this- but that's not altruism-and I think it makes for pretty shitty relationships)
This altruism some say makes my life matter or makes me feel good. While these are side effects of consequences, there is a difference between my action- my intention- and the result of those actions.
The best way I can explain this is to give a real life example: (from life this isn't typical- maybe bc altruistic love is hard to come by but I have seen it) And it just felt so right. . . lol
In a romantic relationship two people show altruistic love and respect for one another by respecting what makes the other a happy, healthy, autonomous individual. Despite opposing feelings and examples- in a altruistic loving relationship we could care so much about the other that we could walk away from them- leave them to follow a life that they most want- even if that life is not you. To care so much about someone that you can do that for them. Obviously the other side of this relationship would consist in your whole life not being surrounded by someone else, but obviously deeply enriched by them. And while a big part of your life would be gone and you would be devastated to see them go- you'd be happy for them.
While love like relationships today view one side of this getting the short end of the stick, I truly feel two individuals who can do this for one another fulfill the other in never putting them in a conditional love situation. This is unconditional love. I love you always- no matter where you go- not matter what you do- despite how you are related to me- I love you- in all of you- forever and ever. Amen.
So yeah. I guess after giving the example a lot of people just don't get this. All I can say is my definition comes from youth- watching mistakes of others- and seeing examples that work. But its the way I feel we must love one another. Whether that be in friendships, romantic relationships, or small interactions with others.
I feel a part two coming- between the B12 flush burning my legs and my completely distracting companions- this is probably ADD and not exactly clear. So eat it up XD PART ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIIYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
MASSSSSSS
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Ego, Part Dos- Oh so Juicy xD
So many critics have stated my second blog did not hold enough of my own opinion. And that was so because I was also told that my first blog was too long. x) So as not leave my readers unsatisfied-I give you part Dos.
The self for me is a contradiction and an unexplained phenomena. We know we exist- because we have parts of ourselves that we can not explain to others- and that people can't willfully see. As much as we are so interconnected to one another we are that much separated(if not more at times).
The self starts at birth- you are born into a body that is no longer physically connected to a mother. Eventually the brain begins to separate itself from the environment and others around it. Part of me truly feels the environment has almost a determining effect on people- but another part of me denies this. Denies because the individual cannot be known before they show them-self. For instance- two siblings can have the same parents(very similar DNA) and the same environment(they grow up side by side) But- as adults they are night and day, so different they cannot begin to comprehend one another. This to me must be product of the self. People do have separate existences that makes them unique in how they experience the world, how they process information, and how they decide to react to the world.
Two friends and I discussed yesterday the changing self. When people change so much from year to year or even day to day- all physically, mentally, emotionally, at what point does this person become someone new? Do we simply call people by the same name for convenience? Is there an essential part of us that stays the same? Is it the self that decides to change or is it people and environment that inspire in us a change?
At any given point we may meet people who dramatically change us- for better or worse. Without these individuals maybe these changes may have never happened. Maybe that affecting individual would have been replaced by someone very similar to them who created the same changes within us. But because they are the individuals who did effect us- how are we connected to them now? and would we otherwise be who we are now?
The self to me is the denial of the vital connection that feeds everyday life, and it is the quiet you only experience as you sit alone in silence. That feeling that you are alone and its scary, or you are alone and the world as the giant other is beautiful and not yours- not you. I love life. I love me and its difficult for me to think of myself without others who have changed me oh so much. Sometimes I feel like these are only questions for God: Why me? Why do we exist so separate? How the hell did you create all this?
Speaking of God. There's the whole other topic of how are god and self connected? Is it outside of us? in the environment? in the heavens(where ever those might be)? I truly believe god lives within us. And while we can feel utterly alone- god is there maybe feeling alone too. Ego technically is a soft scientific topic and now that I have drifted in to the metaphysical I will wrap it up. x)
I hope this is satisfying to my beautiful critics. I don't have a concrete opinion because the topic is so large. These are simply the thoughts that come out when I think of Ego.
MAS! x)
The self for me is a contradiction and an unexplained phenomena. We know we exist- because we have parts of ourselves that we can not explain to others- and that people can't willfully see. As much as we are so interconnected to one another we are that much separated(if not more at times).
The self starts at birth- you are born into a body that is no longer physically connected to a mother. Eventually the brain begins to separate itself from the environment and others around it. Part of me truly feels the environment has almost a determining effect on people- but another part of me denies this. Denies because the individual cannot be known before they show them-self. For instance- two siblings can have the same parents(very similar DNA) and the same environment(they grow up side by side) But- as adults they are night and day, so different they cannot begin to comprehend one another. This to me must be product of the self. People do have separate existences that makes them unique in how they experience the world, how they process information, and how they decide to react to the world.
Two friends and I discussed yesterday the changing self. When people change so much from year to year or even day to day- all physically, mentally, emotionally, at what point does this person become someone new? Do we simply call people by the same name for convenience? Is there an essential part of us that stays the same? Is it the self that decides to change or is it people and environment that inspire in us a change?
At any given point we may meet people who dramatically change us- for better or worse. Without these individuals maybe these changes may have never happened. Maybe that affecting individual would have been replaced by someone very similar to them who created the same changes within us. But because they are the individuals who did effect us- how are we connected to them now? and would we otherwise be who we are now?
The self to me is the denial of the vital connection that feeds everyday life, and it is the quiet you only experience as you sit alone in silence. That feeling that you are alone and its scary, or you are alone and the world as the giant other is beautiful and not yours- not you. I love life. I love me and its difficult for me to think of myself without others who have changed me oh so much. Sometimes I feel like these are only questions for God: Why me? Why do we exist so separate? How the hell did you create all this?
Speaking of God. There's the whole other topic of how are god and self connected? Is it outside of us? in the environment? in the heavens(where ever those might be)? I truly believe god lives within us. And while we can feel utterly alone- god is there maybe feeling alone too. Ego technically is a soft scientific topic and now that I have drifted in to the metaphysical I will wrap it up. x)
I hope this is satisfying to my beautiful critics. I don't have a concrete opinion because the topic is so large. These are simply the thoughts that come out when I think of Ego.
MAS! x)
Monday, November 7, 2011
EGO! Who are you? xD
"The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?" ~ Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
I am a huge fan of Existentialism- I love Nietzsche, Sartre, and Kierkegaard <3 <3 <3 BUUUUT there's this great book by Milan Kundera titled The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I haven't fully completed the book, but from the parts that I am in love with- I interpret his idea of life and love are deeply connected. The three main characters that I will mention are Tomas, Tereza, and Sabina. They are the main characters so far and they are written so well <3 so beautifully flawed. <3 <3 <3
This philosophy is wrapped up in a story of heavy and light characters. Heavy being people who hold on to life in such a way that the love they express can seem burdensome at times. Lightness for Kundera is the ability to go through life almost disconnected from the ones we love and the world in such a way that pure enjoyment can be achieved. He seems to be confused- or maybe just shows that life is full of both heavy and light whether we would like to choose one or the other. Tereza for me in this book is the force to be reckoned with because she is the heavy character and affects Tomas in an uncontrollable way. Tomas at the same time is beautiful in his examination of life- but there is something in Tereza that is precious- and you can see it in the way Tomas loves her, even as he has sex with many other women.
Tereza's character reminds me of myself at past time in my life(thank goodness). Not to say she isn't ridiculously beautiful in all of her chaos. Her Ego is so incredibly fragile. She seeks herself and fulfillment in Tomas. Milan writes her character broken by others and she is both brave and cowardly at the same time. Obviously she is intense. x) She would rather suffer through her agonizing existence with Tomas than die- even as she prays for death.
Sabina is one of the many, many mistresses. She is beautiful and broken of course. She looks for herself and very definite traits in her lovers. She is the character who experiences the unbearable lightness of being, the longing for a burden for a weight- for her life to mix with others and to make a difference in the world. Tomas appears to be the one who brings her as close as she gets to earth- but after his death she has no one.
Late into the book Milan speaks of the "I" or the Ego and I realized that the characters all revolve around a sense of who they are defined or not defined by others. And how that reliance seems to debilitate each character in a special way. Here I asked myself "Who am I without the one's I love?" And another separate question is "What would I do without the people I love?" The small differences here in questions say 1. We are who we are because other people create us, or 2. We live our lives with people we love, and our interactions with those people mean very much to us. (and not having those people in our lives would make our lives significantly less good).
This may seem like a silly blog to write because some might think it's common sense- "Of course you should not define yourself using other people." But the "I" is such an obscure thing. Who are we apart from the people we care about? I have an internal battle that says- life without these people would be absolutely unbearable and without ever knowing them I would not be the same "I". That same "I" could not die if there were more people on earth who needed help- there is this something inside of myself that lives to benefit the quality of life of people who really need it. Not because it is easy or because it makes me feel good always- but that is must be done. (I don't know where that comes from)
I know that not everyone is driven by a clear internal voice. And so I have myself and have met others who've become lost at times in the love of one or a few individuals. While that existence is beautiful beyond words- it seems to suffer more. It seems a bit more lost. A bit more in need of rescue. A life on the verge of death. More real because it's existence can't be ignored. It can't be passed over without noticing the immense impact it carries on the individuals that experience it.
This blog is only written to maybe inspire the readers to ponder "Who are you aside from the people you love?" (Can you think of yourself without them?), "What would you be without these people?", "Who or what traits do you feel define your "I" or ego?" Happy pondering loves. xD
MAS
I am a huge fan of Existentialism- I love Nietzsche, Sartre, and Kierkegaard <3 <3 <3 BUUUUT there's this great book by Milan Kundera titled The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I haven't fully completed the book, but from the parts that I am in love with- I interpret his idea of life and love are deeply connected. The three main characters that I will mention are Tomas, Tereza, and Sabina. They are the main characters so far and they are written so well <3 so beautifully flawed. <3 <3 <3
This philosophy is wrapped up in a story of heavy and light characters. Heavy being people who hold on to life in such a way that the love they express can seem burdensome at times. Lightness for Kundera is the ability to go through life almost disconnected from the ones we love and the world in such a way that pure enjoyment can be achieved. He seems to be confused- or maybe just shows that life is full of both heavy and light whether we would like to choose one or the other. Tereza for me in this book is the force to be reckoned with because she is the heavy character and affects Tomas in an uncontrollable way. Tomas at the same time is beautiful in his examination of life- but there is something in Tereza that is precious- and you can see it in the way Tomas loves her, even as he has sex with many other women.
Tereza's character reminds me of myself at past time in my life(thank goodness). Not to say she isn't ridiculously beautiful in all of her chaos. Her Ego is so incredibly fragile. She seeks herself and fulfillment in Tomas. Milan writes her character broken by others and she is both brave and cowardly at the same time. Obviously she is intense. x) She would rather suffer through her agonizing existence with Tomas than die- even as she prays for death.
Sabina is one of the many, many mistresses. She is beautiful and broken of course. She looks for herself and very definite traits in her lovers. She is the character who experiences the unbearable lightness of being, the longing for a burden for a weight- for her life to mix with others and to make a difference in the world. Tomas appears to be the one who brings her as close as she gets to earth- but after his death she has no one.
Late into the book Milan speaks of the "I" or the Ego and I realized that the characters all revolve around a sense of who they are defined or not defined by others. And how that reliance seems to debilitate each character in a special way. Here I asked myself "Who am I without the one's I love?" And another separate question is "What would I do without the people I love?" The small differences here in questions say 1. We are who we are because other people create us, or 2. We live our lives with people we love, and our interactions with those people mean very much to us. (and not having those people in our lives would make our lives significantly less good).
This may seem like a silly blog to write because some might think it's common sense- "Of course you should not define yourself using other people." But the "I" is such an obscure thing. Who are we apart from the people we care about? I have an internal battle that says- life without these people would be absolutely unbearable and without ever knowing them I would not be the same "I". That same "I" could not die if there were more people on earth who needed help- there is this something inside of myself that lives to benefit the quality of life of people who really need it. Not because it is easy or because it makes me feel good always- but that is must be done. (I don't know where that comes from)
I know that not everyone is driven by a clear internal voice. And so I have myself and have met others who've become lost at times in the love of one or a few individuals. While that existence is beautiful beyond words- it seems to suffer more. It seems a bit more lost. A bit more in need of rescue. A life on the verge of death. More real because it's existence can't be ignored. It can't be passed over without noticing the immense impact it carries on the individuals that experience it.
This blog is only written to maybe inspire the readers to ponder "Who are you aside from the people you love?" (Can you think of yourself without them?), "What would you be without these people?", "Who or what traits do you feel define your "I" or ego?" Happy pondering loves. xD
MAS
Friday, October 21, 2011
Plato
I wanted my first post to be on Love. SO- Plato, as a famous Ancient Greek Philosopher, and one of the first known dudes to write on love and what it was/meant to him- is an obvious start. The reason I wanted to write on Him and his love is because honestly it is cool to see how ideas change over time and how people today may believe the same or similar things and never know where those beliefs come from.
My favorite part of Plato is his basic Theory of Forms. The reader gets a very cool( and creative) outline of a metaphysical explanation for how we can know the information about the world before Kant came in(way later) with his "Prolegomena". Plato believed in innate knowledge- that as humans- at a certain age we knew that big was "big", and red was "red", and a square was a "square". These were something like universal truths for the human race. Language was proof of this- all people called a flower a "flower". You can tell this is a very early theory right? X)
So the story goes- the reason we all know these universal truths is because when we get to Heaven we see these nifty little things called forms. Ultimate forms of the colors, shapes, numbers, children, people, paintings, and everything else that could possibly exist. When we are reincarnated we see forms in other subjects on earth and recognize them as shadows of their ultimate selves. No form on Earth can ever be as good as the forms that exist in Heaven. This was my favorite theory in metaphysics- that was before I read the Symposium. Details really flush out this theory and make it into somethings that seems lacking.
Beauty is really important to Plato. Beauty is the ultimate form that you want to get to in Heaven and the way you do that on earth is to use love as the first step on a ladder that leads to the ultimate form. Starting a paper for one class- I was super excited to be writing on love and Plato's theory of Forms- only to find out- I am a women- so I can pretty much never reach Beauty. I can make physical beauty by giving birth- but never anything higher. I can't even begin to climb the ladder because the beautiful love that is the first step is Eros- love between a older man and a young boy. Ironic huh? How do we leave that out of common facts about Plato? He is one of the fathers of western thought and he was a pedophile. Anyway, the reason love between grown men and young boys inspired virtue is that helped better structure family and society(so Diotoma says/Plato writes).
I don't like this idea of love because it is a means to an end. The person loved doesn't really matter to Plato. Eventually the goal is to outgrow the individual and head for higher steps like ideas- philosophy, science, eventually getting to the Form of Beauty. This is of course my interpretation. Some people hold that just because the boy is no longer "over valued" by the man- that it doesn't mean the boy isn't still beautiful- just that the lover now sees the young body as part of a larger beauty. When you read Plato's actual lines- you read the ascendance as a ladder- you don't take the steps with you- the person going up continues going up and leaves the steps behind. I thought this was a cool place to start because despite my not really human (FEMALE! GASP!) body- I like the Theory of Forms outside of the concept of love.
I started here because I know this is not how I feel about love. I don't believe the body matters very much in love. Although sex I realize is apart of romantic relationships, I just know you may not be initially attracted to someone you fall in love with upon first meeting them. I feel almost contradictory about this beause if you want to have sex with someone upon meeting them how will you ever know you didn't just want to get to know them because you wanted something physical from them? (lol I know this may sound oddly Kantian- you may only know you love/respect someone by not wanting to have sex with them initially- at least to know you aren't accidently using them as a means to an end.) but it is something I have spent much time thinking about. Biology is so strong and can be so much stronger then the mind at times.
I don't believe people seek what makes them happy always or that people are a means to an end. For peeps who aren't sure what that means- I believe other people have autonomy or free will and what they want for themselves just matters. Treating someone as a means to an end is using them to get what you want from them- and this in turn disrespects them as not recognizing they matter just as much as you do. So! moral of this very first blog: How do you find out what you believe?! Narrow the field by discovering things you know you do not believe. That's the scientific way anyhow. So here is one theory I disagree with and tada- Numero Uno Blog!!!!
My favorite part of Plato is his basic Theory of Forms. The reader gets a very cool( and creative) outline of a metaphysical explanation for how we can know the information about the world before Kant came in(way later) with his "Prolegomena". Plato believed in innate knowledge- that as humans- at a certain age we knew that big was "big", and red was "red", and a square was a "square". These were something like universal truths for the human race. Language was proof of this- all people called a flower a "flower". You can tell this is a very early theory right? X)
So the story goes- the reason we all know these universal truths is because when we get to Heaven we see these nifty little things called forms. Ultimate forms of the colors, shapes, numbers, children, people, paintings, and everything else that could possibly exist. When we are reincarnated we see forms in other subjects on earth and recognize them as shadows of their ultimate selves. No form on Earth can ever be as good as the forms that exist in Heaven. This was my favorite theory in metaphysics- that was before I read the Symposium. Details really flush out this theory and make it into somethings that seems lacking.
Beauty is really important to Plato. Beauty is the ultimate form that you want to get to in Heaven and the way you do that on earth is to use love as the first step on a ladder that leads to the ultimate form. Starting a paper for one class- I was super excited to be writing on love and Plato's theory of Forms- only to find out- I am a women- so I can pretty much never reach Beauty. I can make physical beauty by giving birth- but never anything higher. I can't even begin to climb the ladder because the beautiful love that is the first step is Eros- love between a older man and a young boy. Ironic huh? How do we leave that out of common facts about Plato? He is one of the fathers of western thought and he was a pedophile. Anyway, the reason love between grown men and young boys inspired virtue is that helped better structure family and society(so Diotoma says/Plato writes).
I don't like this idea of love because it is a means to an end. The person loved doesn't really matter to Plato. Eventually the goal is to outgrow the individual and head for higher steps like ideas- philosophy, science, eventually getting to the Form of Beauty. This is of course my interpretation. Some people hold that just because the boy is no longer "over valued" by the man- that it doesn't mean the boy isn't still beautiful- just that the lover now sees the young body as part of a larger beauty. When you read Plato's actual lines- you read the ascendance as a ladder- you don't take the steps with you- the person going up continues going up and leaves the steps behind. I thought this was a cool place to start because despite my not really human (FEMALE! GASP!) body- I like the Theory of Forms outside of the concept of love.
I started here because I know this is not how I feel about love. I don't believe the body matters very much in love. Although sex I realize is apart of romantic relationships, I just know you may not be initially attracted to someone you fall in love with upon first meeting them. I feel almost contradictory about this beause if you want to have sex with someone upon meeting them how will you ever know you didn't just want to get to know them because you wanted something physical from them? (lol I know this may sound oddly Kantian- you may only know you love/respect someone by not wanting to have sex with them initially- at least to know you aren't accidently using them as a means to an end.) but it is something I have spent much time thinking about. Biology is so strong and can be so much stronger then the mind at times.
I don't believe people seek what makes them happy always or that people are a means to an end. For peeps who aren't sure what that means- I believe other people have autonomy or free will and what they want for themselves just matters. Treating someone as a means to an end is using them to get what you want from them- and this in turn disrespects them as not recognizing they matter just as much as you do. So! moral of this very first blog: How do you find out what you believe?! Narrow the field by discovering things you know you do not believe. That's the scientific way anyhow. So here is one theory I disagree with and tada- Numero Uno Blog!!!!
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